With the massive proliferation of "self-help" books and "change your life" programs, the natural question is: "Why isn't everyone perfect by now?" Are you smoking? There are HUNDREDS of Stop-Smoking-Now programs. Are you chronically behind in your work? There are THOUSANDS of Time-Management programs - some even come with super cool looking "time management systems" - what used to be called calendars. So the problem doesn't seem to be lack of access. Maybe the problem is with the person.

For most people, instant change isn't possible. I know there are experts who disagree with this, and I know it is possible for some people or for some situations. I myself have changed certain behaviors instantaneously, so I know it can happen. But can it happen for everything in your life, all the time? Well, if that isn't working for you, then the next solution is to make the change by changing your HABITS. For me, for example, time management has been a recurring problem. I have read the books, I have implemented the systems, I have attended the seminars. But it was not until time management became a daily habit that most of the problems were overcome.

How do you make something a habit? And how do you make a CHANGE IN BEHAVIOR a habit? I have picked 3 steps, that are easily within the ability of everyone to do, and which will cause tremendous change in your life. You won't have to WORK at these changes, and - just as important - these changes should not affect the people around you. Changing your behavior is very often sabotaged - intentionally or unintentionally - by those closest to us, because a change in YOU requires a change in THEM, and they may not want that.

1. Do ONE thing you do anyway, for 21 STRAIGHT days. Pick something that you are doing, either daily or relatively consistently, and just do it CONSCIOUSLY and CONSISTENTLY for 21 straight days. Why 21 days? Because that is about the time it takes for a habit to become internalized, to the pint where you do it "without thinking" or where you feel uncomfortable if you don't do it. It can be exercise: whether you exercising every day or 2 or 3 times per month, start tomorrow to do ANYTHING every day. A few squats. A few situps. A few stretches. Anything at all. Whether you do a daily schedule or just "as needed," start tomorrow to do ANY KIND of "To Do" list. Shopping "To Do." Books-I-Want-To-Read "To Do." To-Do-Lists-I-Need-To-Make "To Do." Anything at all. Just do this for 21 straight days, hopefully with increasing activity and involvement. After 21 days, you'll be doing it every day and not even noticing.

2. Do ONE thing you DON'T WANT to do, for 21 straight days. What the heck is this? Pick something that either you shouldn't BE doing (like eating fast food or looking at on-line porn), and then CONSCIOUSLY don't do it - for 21 straight days. It might even be something that you do for other people, but feel uncomfortable about. Say for example, you make the coffee at work, and everyone expects you make the coffee, but it makes you feel unappreciated or, worse, demeaned. Tomorrow, DON'T make the coffee. You can tell people you are too busy, or got distracted, or just thought you would give someone else a turn. If it's eating a snack at night, starting tomorrow DON'T eat a snack. You can substitute - eat a healthier snack, or do an activity. After 21 days, you won't be doing that thing that you were uncomfortable with in the first place.

3. Do a spiritual exercise, for 21 straight days. If you are religious, this could be reading scriptures, or praying, or attending a religious service (but it must be DAILY, not WEEKLY). If you are not religious, this can be contemplating inspirational or philosophical material, like Martin Luther King's "Letter From The Birmingham Jail" or a paragraph from your favorite philosopher (don't have a favorite philosopher? Try Plato for starter. Or Ayn Rand. You don't have to AGREE with the person - just contemplate the writings). The point is to get your mind or your spirit focused on SOMETHING besides "wake-work-eat-sleep." After 21 days, you WILL be pondering questions and making observations you never had before.

These three simple steps - performed for 21 days - will change your life, but without making the change so sudden or dramatic as to cause trauma to you or the people around you. Each of these involves YOU taking control of some aspect of your daily routine, and turning the CONTROL into a habit. It also changes a behavior and makes the new behavior a habit, but the point of these three steps is for you to INTERNALIZE the knowledge that YOU control YOUR life, and that change and goals ARE within your ability. What's the NEXT STEP? Taking this newly acquired knowledge and approach, and beginning a formal program of change of YOUR choice. Good luck, and start changing tomorrow for the BETTER.